Thoughts x 1

Everyone is different. You & I, we both grew up in different families, cultures & schools. We look, act & dress different. We interpret & react to situations in many different ways. No one person has the exact same thoughts as another. & that's what makes us human. The beauty of being very individual beings with very subjective thoughts. But somehow, somewhere along the way, we learn what are appropriate behaviors and we also learn to scoff at those which aren't. But the question is...How in the world have we ever got to the conclusion that being different is something socially unacceptable when every single one of us are different in so many ways?

In the entire 21 years of my life, I've kept many thoughts and feelings within me (or rather, I eventually learnt that it was better to keep them inside me). My entire life has been about me trying to suppress these emotions & anxieties because they are deemed "socially unacceptable". It has been so deeply intertwined with my daily life that I can no longer break free from it. It upsets me to know that I can never be the person that I was meant to be but there is absolutely nothing I know that I can do about it (at least for now). It pains me, it suffocates me & it makes me cry for no apparent reason. Yet, the worst part is, I let it do all that to me.

No one "normal" has really understood how much it sucks to be unable to feel "normal" (or maybe somehow, everyone is suffering yet not many are as weak & emotional as I am). It's fucking bullshit because all you want to do is to lead each & every single day without worrying about stupid little things that no one really gives a shit about except you.

Look at it this way. You're probably thinking that I'm being crazy dramatic for exaggerating life in this manner. Yes, to you, you're thinking that everyone goes through the exact same bullshit & I'm just being a crybaby about it. But, to me, I think about it almost every other day & life is just a roller-coaster ride of emotions. In other words, I'm just a lot less capable of dealing with it.

Yes, you may be stronger than I'm. Yes, you may have everything in your life going well for you. But no, that doesn't mean that because I'm different, I don't deserve to be me.