Jacktherockstar: What's new, what's old? Same old, same old.

I guess it's probably time for me to post something in this space. Seems to me like it's dying out but I just really do not have much to talk about anymore. Nothing particularly interesting or different going on in my life. Even the layout of this post is the same as always. What's new, what's old? Same old, same old.

Perhaps I should start with the fact that you'd see me in the US next year, as planned. Back to where I should be. Theresa made a joke that it'd just be like going home because I already have everything there that a person needs...a Bank of America account & friends. Just living in a different state.

To let you get into my head for a bit, I've been thinking a lot about the whole "I wanna leave Singapore as soon as I can" agenda that's probably on the minds of more than half the population of young Singaporeans. I guess I can't deny that I feel the same way but I really like Singapore (except the weather). There is possibly no way I can defend myself because everyone is going to say that I'm giving shit excuses but I just really do not belong here. I'm part of the minority and I really feel quite uncomfortable. At the start, it was okay. I could deal with the rumors, the gossips, the communication barriers and whatnots. But as I got older, even though I am immune to all the talk about me, it got more tiring. Does it even make sense? I mean I know what everyone says about me. Duh. I'm not an idiot. If you discuss it with me (like some did), I would gladly tell you everything that you have ever wanted to know. Nonetheless, I just do not get the whole discrimination. I mean have I ever done anything that would, even in the slight, affect anyone's life? Sure, you can talk about it but don't make judgments based on it. If you do not agree with a person's choice of lifestyle, then don't agree with it. No one is asking for you to do the same. All they want is for you to understand that there are people who are different. Yes, one aspect of me is that I'm flirty as hell and I go on a lot of friendly dates (or rather, used to) but I mean no harm, it's just my personality. Please do not misunderstand my intentions. Anyway my point is that I've never felt like a minority in the States. In fact, I've always felt normal there. Sure I'm an Asian & that stirs some racism here & there but it isn't the same as an attack to my personality. I may be different, I may be weird, I may be too liberal but don't judge me before you know me & I'd gladly do likewise.

Despite all the preconceived notions, I do have feelings for some people. I am just not particularly good at expressing them logically. Either I run or it comes out all over the place, all wrong and giving the wrong ideas to everyone. It's so tiring. I wish I'm not me. There. I said it. I do not want to be me because it is tiring to be me. Dawn said I create puzzles in my life so that I can fix them. Pretty true. I definitely make my own problems.

I probably sowed some discord here but whatever, I don't answer to anyone but myself & the people who made me.